Shit --> Fan

Grr. I wish I were fucked up right now. I'm just in a fucked up kind of mood. Since it's Sunday and I have work I should do and actually getting fucked up would be a bad idea, I'm doing the next best thing and pretending. Speaking of bad ideas, the bad idea alarms should be going off in your head when you see two really drunk people trying to be alone who probably wouldn't normally. I know they were going off in my head last night. Funny, though, the way I think of that whole situation. Though I know both people involved, I care about one of them and am trying to avoid the other, and so the one who pays more attention to me than I would like has become just my good friend's very ill-advised, drunken near hook-up. (Thank you natural defenses against alcohol poisoning!) I managed to make it through spring formal unscathed. I did get drunk, but not enough to make myself sick; I didn't go home with/bring home any unsavory characters (or any characters at all, for that matter); and though I did go wandering around the dance floor without the protection of friends, I was not groped by unsavory characters. And I thought I snuck in pretty cleverly. They were still watching the doors to make sure people had paid when I got there, but I got in by means of escorting someone (who did have a ticket) who was drunker than I. Actually, I wasn't as drunk as I had been earlier in the eveing by the time I got to formal, and I pretty much sobered up after dancing to a couple songs. But I was still in an "I love everybody" kind of mood and leaned all over my friends when I found them. Dark Side of the Moon is so good to listen to when you want to be kind of out of it. It would probably be especially good when you have acid-trippy, computer-generated color patterns to look at along with it. I think there was a reason why this entry was called "Shit --> Fan," but I don't really remember what it was. Probably it had something to do with the fact that things just seem to be falling apart. My brain is such a mess, as is my room. But my room is going to stay a mess today and that's all there is to it. Because my room is a mess, my brain is still a mess, but I don't feel like straightening any of it up again. Can't make myself do it. I'm stuck.

Dribble...

...go my brains. Or something. I think I'm losing it. But then I often think that, don't I? But right now I really do feel like I'm losing grip on reality. What, there are three weeks of classes left? What, there is life outside of Reed? What, I used to know people who have never been to Reed? What, I'm still in touch with many of them? What, I have work to do? Speaking of work, I should probably go do some. And failing that, stop wallowing in whatever it is I'm wallowing in and get out of my room for a while. Go for a walk. Go find some people and hang out with them. Must get unstuck.