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Time Is A Stick Held Ready to Strike
Jun. 26th, 2002 08:08 pmI'm wearing my mother's wedding ring. She came in and gave it to me earlier, which was rather a surprise. It fits on my little finger. It has three, barely visible chips of diamond, set in a silver inlay, but these are the first diamonds I've ever worn.
It's also strange that she should give me the ring today, when I'd been looking at old pictures earlier. Pictures of things I wasn't there for, and pictures of things I'd forgotten. I guess that since I have no idea where I'm going, there might be some clue in where I've been, if only I can remember that. It's like I've got some kind of self-induced amnesia - I remember very little from before I was ten, and not much more since then. This summer seems to be the time for remembering many things, both those kinds of things that can be triggered by pictures, and those that can't.
What is to come soon is just as shaky as what used to be. Plans I've made are fading by the moment. All I know about this coming semester is that I'm registered for classes and I have to get off probation. I don't know how I'm going to pay for rent. Tuition shouldn't be so bad. I took a good look at my award today, and percentage-wise, it really isn't much worse than before. It still covers more than half of my direct costs. But housing isn't a direct cost anymore.
I'm not sure what I'm doing now. Somehow I've gotten through May and most of June. Time continues to tick away, and I don't know what to do with it. This is how my plans disappear.
As the zen masters say, there is no past, no present, no future.
It's also strange that she should give me the ring today, when I'd been looking at old pictures earlier. Pictures of things I wasn't there for, and pictures of things I'd forgotten. I guess that since I have no idea where I'm going, there might be some clue in where I've been, if only I can remember that. It's like I've got some kind of self-induced amnesia - I remember very little from before I was ten, and not much more since then. This summer seems to be the time for remembering many things, both those kinds of things that can be triggered by pictures, and those that can't.
What is to come soon is just as shaky as what used to be. Plans I've made are fading by the moment. All I know about this coming semester is that I'm registered for classes and I have to get off probation. I don't know how I'm going to pay for rent. Tuition shouldn't be so bad. I took a good look at my award today, and percentage-wise, it really isn't much worse than before. It still covers more than half of my direct costs. But housing isn't a direct cost anymore.
I'm not sure what I'm doing now. Somehow I've gotten through May and most of June. Time continues to tick away, and I don't know what to do with it. This is how my plans disappear.
As the zen masters say, there is no past, no present, no future.
