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Nothing I Do Is Good Enough For You
May. 22nd, 2004 02:37 amGod! Mother! Fucking! Dammit!
I just wrote a really long entry, and LJ fucking logged me out the moment I clicked "update." I thought it was salvagable, but no. The update page refreshed when I clicked back to it, and teased me with the possibility of being able to save it.
So, to sum up:
MSSA potluck last Sunday. Was good. Had adventures getting out of Four Hills because the neighborhood is kind of convoluted, but I got out, and then I missed the turnoff to get back to Tramway and I found myself on I-40. Fortunately I was going west and didn't have to turn around. Monday went to Sarah's to watch Buffy. Did nothing for three days because I came down with a cold. So today I really had to get the fuck out of the house. Went to Target and the bookstore to get a present and a card for my niece for her birthday, as well as some other things like soap, but that wasn't enough. So tonight I went to Bound to Be Read for a bit, just for the hell of it. Then Flying Star in Nob Hill. And then Geckos, since I was in the area and Eric and Jocelyn were working. Ended up staying and having a drink (Cosmo with cranberry vodka - Eric knows what I like) and two glasses of water. Stage Manager John turned up, further confirming my theory that I can't go over there without running into someone I know.
Also:
My dad sucks and I think he things that I'm... something. I don't know. But he acts all suspicious whenever I leave the house, asking where I'm going, who I'm going with, how long I'll be there, etc. ad nauseam as if I'm seventeen. But he's pulled this shit ever since I was twelve or so and he told me, "Don't do bad things because I'll find out." But I never really knew what he meant by "bad things." And now he's getting annoying as hell, and I know he just wants to talk or something, but he's not great at starting conversations and I don't want to let him in on my life outside this house because too often he treats me with suspicion and distrust.
And I suck too, because I've done nothing for a week and dammit, I need to do something with these last two weeks of summer vacation, part one, which means I should call people, but I'm slightly afraid to because I think I'm going to be brushed off because I'm making a nuisance of myself, which is silly, but there it is. It's a problem with perception. My perspective will shift, maybe before I start pushing people away, but I don't know right now. If I get my shit together soon, then yes. Sometimes I wish there was a single thing in the world that could fix me, because sometimes I get tired of pulling myself together. It's exhausting business, being self-reliant and crazy.
I just wrote a really long entry, and LJ fucking logged me out the moment I clicked "update." I thought it was salvagable, but no. The update page refreshed when I clicked back to it, and teased me with the possibility of being able to save it.
So, to sum up:
MSSA potluck last Sunday. Was good. Had adventures getting out of Four Hills because the neighborhood is kind of convoluted, but I got out, and then I missed the turnoff to get back to Tramway and I found myself on I-40. Fortunately I was going west and didn't have to turn around. Monday went to Sarah's to watch Buffy. Did nothing for three days because I came down with a cold. So today I really had to get the fuck out of the house. Went to Target and the bookstore to get a present and a card for my niece for her birthday, as well as some other things like soap, but that wasn't enough. So tonight I went to Bound to Be Read for a bit, just for the hell of it. Then Flying Star in Nob Hill. And then Geckos, since I was in the area and Eric and Jocelyn were working. Ended up staying and having a drink (Cosmo with cranberry vodka - Eric knows what I like) and two glasses of water. Stage Manager John turned up, further confirming my theory that I can't go over there without running into someone I know.
Also:
My dad sucks and I think he things that I'm... something. I don't know. But he acts all suspicious whenever I leave the house, asking where I'm going, who I'm going with, how long I'll be there, etc. ad nauseam as if I'm seventeen. But he's pulled this shit ever since I was twelve or so and he told me, "Don't do bad things because I'll find out." But I never really knew what he meant by "bad things." And now he's getting annoying as hell, and I know he just wants to talk or something, but he's not great at starting conversations and I don't want to let him in on my life outside this house because too often he treats me with suspicion and distrust.
And I suck too, because I've done nothing for a week and dammit, I need to do something with these last two weeks of summer vacation, part one, which means I should call people, but I'm slightly afraid to because I think I'm going to be brushed off because I'm making a nuisance of myself, which is silly, but there it is. It's a problem with perception. My perspective will shift, maybe before I start pushing people away, but I don't know right now. If I get my shit together soon, then yes. Sometimes I wish there was a single thing in the world that could fix me, because sometimes I get tired of pulling myself together. It's exhausting business, being self-reliant and crazy.
