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Apr. 8th, 2002
I Know the Pieces Fit
Apr. 8th, 2002 07:39 am'Cause I watched them fall away.
I hate Sunday nights. My goal for next week is to do my work earlier in the weekend so I don't have to be up at this hour, not getting anything done anyway. So I won't have to be up at this hour, hating everything.
Things are better. But still not good.
Everything has fallen apart. I'm still waiting for the pieces to finish falling.
First there were my quarter grades. And then came the letter intended to offer help but that only rubbed it in. And the letter saying I won't be an HA. And the chemistry midterm that I didn't do as well on as I thought I might have. And the class I was going to (needed to!) drop, but couldn't because I was too damn busy and/or unorganized to get the paperwork done, compounded by the fact that when I did have time, I couldn't find the appropriate people for signatures. And then the lottery number that is just bad enough that there's a glimmer of hope there might still be rooms left when my number comes up, but probably not, but I still don't know. If I knew, it would be easier. And on top of that, things have been pretty shitty independent of external things. And friends not being there.
I just needed someone to talk to
But you were much too busy with yourself.
The last few weeks have shown me something I forgot: I'm always alone, no matter how close to anyone I get. When it comes down to it, when it really matters, they leave. Or are somehow prevented from being there. I don't know if it's anybody's fault, and I'm not blaming anybody; it just happens. And it doesn't matter how much someone says they'll be there. That's just how things work out in my life. I somehow pick the most inopportune times to need people.
Why is it that the one person who has understood perfectly without me having to explain it is someone I rarely see? You would think the ones I have the most interaction with would notice something, anything.
I'm regaining my hermit tendencies. Living alone up on a mountaintop once more sounds nice.
Without you, everything falls apart.
Without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces.
It's time to pick up the pieces.
It hardly seems worth it.
I hate Sunday nights. My goal for next week is to do my work earlier in the weekend so I don't have to be up at this hour, not getting anything done anyway. So I won't have to be up at this hour, hating everything.
Things are better. But still not good.
Everything has fallen apart. I'm still waiting for the pieces to finish falling.
First there were my quarter grades. And then came the letter intended to offer help but that only rubbed it in. And the letter saying I won't be an HA. And the chemistry midterm that I didn't do as well on as I thought I might have. And the class I was going to (needed to!) drop, but couldn't because I was too damn busy and/or unorganized to get the paperwork done, compounded by the fact that when I did have time, I couldn't find the appropriate people for signatures. And then the lottery number that is just bad enough that there's a glimmer of hope there might still be rooms left when my number comes up, but probably not, but I still don't know. If I knew, it would be easier. And on top of that, things have been pretty shitty independent of external things. And friends not being there.
I just needed someone to talk to
But you were much too busy with yourself.
The last few weeks have shown me something I forgot: I'm always alone, no matter how close to anyone I get. When it comes down to it, when it really matters, they leave. Or are somehow prevented from being there. I don't know if it's anybody's fault, and I'm not blaming anybody; it just happens. And it doesn't matter how much someone says they'll be there. That's just how things work out in my life. I somehow pick the most inopportune times to need people.
Why is it that the one person who has understood perfectly without me having to explain it is someone I rarely see? You would think the ones I have the most interaction with would notice something, anything.
I'm regaining my hermit tendencies. Living alone up on a mountaintop once more sounds nice.
Without you, everything falls apart.
Without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces.
It's time to pick up the pieces.
It hardly seems worth it.
(no subject)
Apr. 8th, 2002 03:08 pmFucking hell! I can't schedule a math class (not one of the three choices I have as required by my major) because of other things that I have to take for my major. Such as o-chem and upper division bio classes. I could put off cell bio, but I don't really want to be taking that my last semester here.
And I already had to forget about Sanskrit because it conflicts with o-chem. Fucking o-chem messes everything up.
And I already had to forget about Sanskrit because it conflicts with o-chem. Fucking o-chem messes everything up.
(no subject)
Apr. 8th, 2002 10:24 pmSo tired. And it's not even 11:30. That could have something to do with having been up since 7:30 in the morning. And no nap either. But at least my schedule for next year is figured out, even if I can't register yet because I haven't heard back from my adviser about meeting. And even though my other work isn't done.
I find it strange what odd times I get e-mails from professors.
I find it strange what odd times I get e-mails from professors.