Finding Beauty in the Dissonance

Thanksgiving was a little strange. More than anything, it is to me a day for being together with the important people in your life. And eating with them. But my people were so scattered. Of course I wasn't with my family, as a trip to NM seemed a bit much for the time I have. (Besides, I do need to do work.) But my friends were all scattered as well. I suppose the group I was with was the largest gathering. And it was a nice, low-key evening. Some of us went out for a couple walks, one in the afternoon and another at one in the morning. I didn't get home until three.

Before going to Kristina's, I went to Meg & Kate's for a while, made myself useful and did some dishes. When I left there to go to Kristina's, I felt a little... off, I guess. But after going and hanging out with people, I felt better.

I can feel myself being sucked into isolation. The barriers between myself and other people are going back up as I watch. My self threatens to wither. It seems I could say something to reverse this process, but the words get stuck just before I can speak them. Would I still speak them even if they didn't get stuck? A change of phase has the force of nature behind it. If I let myself go and float, I will not drown. I don't know if I should fight this or not. I'm not sure I know what I'd be fighting. Maybe I should just focus on school, forget all else...