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Being home is not good any more. The same old shit has decided it's been away long enough and is setting out on its journey back into my life.
My dad booked my flight back already, with very little consultation. The good part is that my flights are no longer chained to dorm opening/closing dates. But they are still chained to Burque. He can't imagine that I would ever want to leave this state. I didn't get a chance to mention that I wanted to go up to Denver to see my sister, since she flew to Rome on Christmas Day and visited here the weekend before finals.
There was anger. There was self-doubt. There was self-hate. All of it has blown over. For now. Maybe I just need to get away, see people who are not relatives.
But that is not a permanent solution. There are no permanent solutions. Things fall apart, and there's no way to stop them. There's only clean up, rebuilding. Assess the damage, tally the dead and wounded, start over.
ride out and meet them. While I still can.
My dad booked my flight back already, with very little consultation. The good part is that my flights are no longer chained to dorm opening/closing dates. But they are still chained to Burque. He can't imagine that I would ever want to leave this state. I didn't get a chance to mention that I wanted to go up to Denver to see my sister, since she flew to Rome on Christmas Day and visited here the weekend before finals.
There was anger. There was self-doubt. There was self-hate. All of it has blown over. For now. Maybe I just need to get away, see people who are not relatives.
But that is not a permanent solution. There are no permanent solutions. Things fall apart, and there's no way to stop them. There's only clean up, rebuilding. Assess the damage, tally the dead and wounded, start over.
ride out and meet them. While I still can.
